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Analyst, TSN Radio 690 Montreal

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This the weekend, that after it’s all played out, Europe will catch its collective breath for the traditional fortnight holiday break. Meanwhile, the barmy English go hammer and tongs at it right on through the festive season.

The Barclays Premier League's very own version of the 12 Days of Christmas kicks off lunchtime Saturday at the Etihad and the curtain will come down tea time New Year's Day at White Hart Lane when Spurs entertain Chelsea.  

Here below are my BPL holiday and New Year's wishes

BOXING DAY BARGAIN MARIO

Liverpool's Mario Balotelli’s drought in front of a BPL goal this season has gone on for so long that his fabled, "Why Always Me?" t- shirt has likely faded beyond recognition. The t-shirt famously unveiled by the Italian maverick after he scored for Manchester City at Old Trafford came just a few short days after setting his bathroom ablaze with fireworks. I wonder if Mario, who has hardly been setting them ablaze in front of goal this season, shook hands when he departed AC Milan in the summer with the incoming Fernando Torres.  Suspended for Sunday’s Arsenal match, Burnley on Boxing Day must be the game Mario finally pots one.

GENIE IN THE LAMP-ARD

It was firmly with tongue in cheek I proclaimed in TSN.ca’s BPL Preview that summer signing Frank Lampard would be the newcomer of the year. No one could have thought we’d ever see the Chelsea legend in a Manchester City shirt, let alone banging in the winning goal week after week.  Poor Don Garber must have been wearing out the plush carpet at MLS’s Manhattan HQ when he tuned into last Saturday’s defeat of Leicester by the BPL Champions - Lampard’s lone goal enough to seal the three points.

HUMBLE PIE, GRINCH AND BARE IT

He lapped it up all last season did Brendan Rodgers, as Liverpool went toe-to-toe with anyone who dared attempt to dislodge them from top spot. April’s thoroughly enthralling 3-2 victory against Manchester City had the Anfield faithful dreaming of a very first BPL title. Rodgers was loving every single minute of it.  Then, we all know what happened afterwards. Apart from a significant investment on mega-white teeth over the summer, something else must have unhinged the Liverpool manager’s character in the off season. From his ill-advised early season rant at Roy Hodgson, if he dared select and "overplay" any of his players, to Rodger’s continual harping on about rightful media criticism of his team’s performances, his transfers have all come with the opportunity cost of the manager not owning up and taking responsibility for what is  Liverpool’s worst start in 50 years. Give it up in 2015, Brendan. Take a leaf from legendary Everton manager Harry Catterick, who famously said about defeat, "it wasn’t excuses which were needed, but adjustments."

HOWAY THE LADS

No one BPL club’s supporters are more deserving of a trophy than those silverware-starved Geordies.  Newcastle has not won a major trophy since John and Yoko’s famous bed-in for peace in a Montreal hotel. The year was 1969, that same season Newcastle were triumphant in the UEFA Inter-Cities Fairs Cup.  Their form this season has been so erratic, a top-four spot and a place in the Champions League next spring is likely beyond even Pardew Out. Here’s to a date at Wembley in May for that famous 50,000-plus bare-bellied Toon Army choir.

NEW BALL BOYS FOR JOSE

As Wimbledon’s umpires have their iconic “New balls, please”  request to the ball boys delivered oh so politely - here’s to Mourinho reclaiming his composure, manners and a word for the victorious opponent the next time Chelsea are defeated. The Chelsea was manager rightly scolded by all after saving his fury for the St. Jamess Park ball boys right after Newcastle had deservedly destroyed Chelsea’s unbeaten record earlier this month.  What a racket, oh Special One.

PANTOMIME MAROUANE

After today’s latest, "I’m a Moyes victim" outburst from Marouane Fellaini, let’s now hope the BPL player who most resembles a Christmas panto character can move on from his quite horrendous opening season at Old Trafford.  Fellaini has recently rediscovered his real inner footballer and should now fully focus on playing and allow his feet (and elbows) do his talking. 

SWAN LAKE

Any illusion still remaining that the English don’t dive was fully destroyed last Saturday at Stamford Bridge with England centre-half Gary Cahill in the starring role. Cahill’s embarrassing attempt to con Chris Hoy in awarding Chelsea a second-half penalty was described as something out of Swan Lake by Hull manager Steve Bruce.  Let’s hope the gatekeepers of the beautiful game can rid the football pitch of this outright cheating. Save the theatrics for the stage...or, in Cahill’s case, the circus.

WINTER WHEELING DEALING

As the BPL greets 2015 with a full slate of fixtures on New Year's Day, this will also denote the official switching on of the winter transfer window lights - the razzle and irrational dazzle as club’s make their investments in title pushes, Champions League places and wining relegation battles. Hard to imagine the 2015 window will also signify the four-year anniversary since Roman Abramovich donated over £50 million to Liverpool so they could buy Luis Suarez and Andy Carroll.  Hearing for 2015’s window, Manchester United is willing to make Radamel Falcao’s loan a permanent deal. Not sure if it’s on the basis of paying the big Columbian $10 million for each goal netted or for each appearance made.

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

For those of you most fortunate to have witnessed in the flesh a BPL experience, you will all well know that a pie and a pint at half-time is as much part of the action inside the stadium as what occurs down on the pitch. Here’s to Steven Gerrard carrying a truckload of those world famous Anfield pies in his carry-on when he pulls up MLS sticks in 2015.

 

Noel.Butler@BellMedia.ca 
@TheSoccerNoel on Twitter

Live BPL action across the TSN Radio Network on Saturday as Aston Villa hosts Manchester United. Pre-game coverage begins at 9:30am et/6:30am pt.